New start for a new life

March 2013, another page of story folded in my life. I have to admit, going to brunei isn't an easy task. It should be even said to be an action that require a lot of guts. I am not sure if I will regret it or not in the future, but it seems like I don't have the choice now. Working in my new company, everyone seems nice to me. I am quite happy that i could actually start working as a engineer instead of draftman. Well, all the works dedicated in Miri always start from draftman first. No offense to it, because draftman can revise a lot of engineering stuff. But always helping draw the engineering drawings doesn't seems really called DESIGNING. At least, i am sitting down on a desk to design for projects. Small, but it should be a good start. It's kinda funny when you think about it, after 4 years of suffer in Engineering school, when we need to design for a housing, we use programs. We use Orion and Prokon to design the building. Back then, i think it is require 1 month to design a house. Now, i think only takes about 1 week? or even less. But what more stunning is, why I study so hard when we only need to use program to design? Haha, that's one myth i need to understand in my life now. When i actually drove my way up to Brunei, I was crying like a baby. I couldn't understand why, maybe this is the day that I am going to step out of the house in Miri. A lot of the friends tells me, "No worries man, you going to come back every weekends, nothing will change." But I don't think they understand my point of view. Before yesterday, I was the only one who can take good care of my mom, although I didn't give my full to her, but I was there to cook and help her when she's sick or even feel like not doing so. Somehow, deep inside of me feels that is a blessing, to able to take care my mom. Ya, sometimes my mom nag a lot, making me pissed a lot. But I think when I stepped on the gas to go brunei, suddenly I felt, "no doubt, I still care about her a lot. I still love her, no matter how she treat me, she's my mom." I also understand, this will create an impact to her. I couldn't sleep well for 2 nights, imagine what might happen to my mom if something goes wrong. Somehow I wish i could be there for her, but I already made the decision to go Brunei work. And part of the decision was made due to anger, when I think "If you just want to yell at me every day, then i better just get out of this house." Oh dad, if you were around, I think our home will be not be as harsh as now. If only you were here. Maybe I won't even go brunei work, just some normal salary work, is enough for me to be happy for the rest of my life.